不安分的黑色

閃女：這件外套簡單樸素卻很牢靠，就像你，剛毅木訥。
閃男：不，這件外套代表的是你；是你剛毅木訥。
閃女：不，你才是剛毅木訥，我是矯柔便佞。
閃男：不，你是嬌柔便秘。（不大對勁......）

In front of the door he had been indicated to open, the young man turned toward the king, and slowly and steadily he spoke,
"If loving her as a poor young lad shoule be a crime, then I am guilty."
The king was astonished at the firmness between his words as the lad continued.
"It takes no luck, no doors, nor any tiger to convict me; for I love her, as much as you do."
At the moment the boy gazed upon her beloved face, the princess stood up and made a signal for him to take the door on the right.
"Seat her." The king gave the order, barely moving his lips. With the sunlight of late afternoon over his face, he looked aged and feeble, like an ancient statue that had born rains and winds of a thousand years. "Make your decision."
The young man's fists tightened when he saw the princess be put to seat against her will. He gave her a smile that only she could understand once she settled and threw her helpless, desperate pupils at him. And she knew that he had decided.
She bore her head into her arms, weeping in silence, so that she could still hear her lover's steps toward...
The lad came before the doors and turned to the princess. This was the last time he would ever see her, before he started his brand-new life on the other side of the wooden door.
He took the door on his left.
When the tiger came roaring out of the door, the lad didn't even take a step back.

Under the twilight stars, the soil in the arena was still soaked with the blood of the man who had loved a woman, glittering.

She fell in love with a boy who couldn't love.
The boy had fallen for so many times, so many that he decided that he would stand up no more, that he would love no more.
She'd wait for him though, even if it took forever.
And looking into her eyes, the boy realized how being able to love someone is such a blessing; a blessing he didn't know how to appreciate and eventually lost.

He made a wish. He wished that he had never made that wish that night.
Now the girl was looking at him with her innocent eyes. He wished he hadn't given up so easily.

"What's so wonderful about loveing someone, if she never loves you back?" the boy questioned the Moon.
"To love, is the greatest gift you are ever bestowed with," the Moon replied.
"Duh." The boy turned to the Star. "Loving someone has caused far too much harm without any of my efforts rewarded. This is something I'd rather do without."
"If you wish it," the Star said, "then it is a wish granted."
He never loved again since then. Not until...
Through the years he gazed upon the girl's sweet, affectionate face with envy. He wished he could love again. He wished he could love her, as easy as she had loved him.

The Star told him, "To love gives you the power, not being loved."
"But I can't love no more," the boy grumbled with remorse.
"You shall." Then the Star was gone.
"Why leave now? I will miss you dearly..." The boy realized with amazement that he had loved the Star. He dashed back to the girl, could hardly wait to hold her tight and kiss her for the rest of his life with a fire he hadn't had for ages.







Wanna know how the story ended?
No need to guess.
It's Happily Never After this time.


Forever had come and gone.
She had wasted far too much time, for a pathetic sinner. She had finally decided that there were better ways to waste her time, which were love herself and treasure the little youth she was left with.
Thanks for being loved anyway.

「哈，」臺灣人盯著日本台播著臺灣的老氣連續劇，
笑著說：「日本人都在瘋這種臺灣過時的蠢東西嗎？」

「哈，」日本人在家裡盯著電視播出臺灣可笑連續劇，
嘲諷道：「台灣人都在瘋迷這種蠢東西嗎？哈。」

不過這一幕沒有發生，因為當台灣人看著日本台嘲笑日本人喜歡某星星花園時，
她的爸爸說，並不是每個日本人都喜歡的。
也對，不知道日本有沒有人會阻止電視機前的呆小孩嘲笑臺灣。

這場夢開始前，請點閱此blog之「S巷口」網誌。

 

---

 

好幾個星期前，我做了一個夢。
夢醒後我打開一本筆記簿，寫了兩頁多的字，並在一頁空白畫上：
　　┌─┐
　　│巷
　　└─┐
　 　口│
　　└─┘
就叫做Ｓ巷口。
那是三月十七日的事了。

昨夜，我吃了一顆Ｄｏｖｅ箴言巧克力PROMISES Message，
包裝紙上：
　　　　Make
　　　"someday"
　　　　today
我想，我有什麼someday呢？
我翻開了筆記簿，繼續寫字。
那個夜裡，米嘯一生中第一次，把一篇完整的自發性故事完成了。
或許很爛，或許很畸形；但又如何？那只是一個夢。

他的客廳太大了。那塊空間大到猖狂，把寢室、書房擠進屋子的隙縫，偷偷地呼吸，彷彿不能存在地理直氣壯。那塊空間大到空洞，像盤古頂天立地再延展時腹腔的虛弱，一份無事地很徬徨的空洞霸在空間的中央。
還是我的房子舒適。物雜豐富的客廳山窮水盡，臥室還不是什麼，等到入夢，那才真叫柳暗花明。

Everyone has his own agenda.
不錯，每個人都有自己在乎和不在乎的事情。
而我，不在你的agenda中。雖然，可笑的是，我不在乎了。
她懂了，漸漸的，懂了。
劇本。都是劇本。
她有她的劇本、她的台詞，旁白有旁白的劇本、旁白的台詞。
這就是她的故事吧，她的agenda。
我的呢？
是的，我也有我自己的。
而你，恰好不在裡面。

幕簾緩緩升起，撩開，一齣短暫卻漫長的戲碼。
燈光悄悄暈開，打亮，一張恍惚而俊俏的面容。

「從前從前，在一個遙遠的國度……」他開口，平靜而冷漠。
故事由此開始，敘述著一位平凡的女孩，如何愛上一個男孩，而展露了笑容。
完美收場，就在那句「從此過著幸福美滿的日子」前，那本當呵護她一輩子的他，轉身離去。
她先是錯愕，接著失去了方向，落入深淵。
在無盡的黑暗中，她淚流、她心痛、她祈禱，她等待著。等著，旁白再次開口。
待最終，他續道：「縱然心碎，她爬了起來，就如每個人的故事，總沒有戲劇性的情節和轟轟烈烈的殉情。」如此的黯淡。
當她又抬頭向前望時，「這是什麼？」她看見，「一張，美麗的臉。」
忙亂的思緒糾纏著，她先是一笑置之，才慢慢發現，她愛上了那眼神總是飄忽，眼光總是飄邈的，旁白。
他是否注意到了她不時晃來的視線？是否，願意用他不曾慨動的口，闡述，她與自己的故事？
或，循著那該當繼續向前進的劇碼，讓她再次落入黑暗？

砲台裡、砲台旁，五花大綁、邪惡獰笑。
「荷蘭妞，好正。」
「回答我的問題！」
「美麗的秀髮…」
「快說在哪！明明就不在你枕頭下面。」
「…」
「好哇，我再也沒耐心了！賴打！著！」
「啊───」
「…為什麼著不了？」
「啊───…你說什麼？」
「我的賴打沒酒精了！」
「啊───…什麼意思？」
「吼，就是點不著火了！轟不了你了！」
「糟糕！啊，我是說，太好了！我得救了！」
「…」
咧嘴笑。
「咦，我去跟那位先生借個賴打。」
「乾癟那位嗎？」
「不然呢？」走下砲台，「老先生，掐矇哩五賴打麼？」
(「沒有沒有。」北京腔。)
「…」
「跟荷蘭女借啊！」
「好罷。」
「唉呦，你看那位老阿婆手裡拿著什麼？」
「哦？啊！迷你槍械！」
「啊───」
「瞄準我們了。」
「啊───」
(「卡擦。」)
「…」
「…」
「哈哈，她有火沒有砲、我有砲沒有火。」
「那不是火，那是光。」
「哎呀，都一樣啦。」
「充滿殺氣的小東西…」
「啊，整隊的人馬戴著迷你槍械走過來了！」
「而且是荷蘭女領頭…我們遭到背叛了！」
「啊───」
「啊───」
(「阿爸，葛格為什麼要把自己塞在砲管裡？」)
(「猴死囝仔，擦擦伊喔！」)
(「哇！」嚎啕。)
「啊，他們的迷你槍械都對準我們了！」
「啊───」
(「卡擦。」)
(「小弟弟，」甜嗓。)
「是…荷蘭妞…」神魂顛倒。
「她…對我說話…」夢幻似神仙。
(「快滾出那管砲口！」兇惡。)
「…」沒落的爬出。
「…」沒落的走下。
搖頭，「恰查某。」
「把荷蘭正妞的形象毀了。」感嘆。
(遙方：「現在您所看見的砲座，是這座第一級古蹟『億載金城』中最古老的一座…」)
「…」
「…」
(「卡擦。」「卡擦。」「卡擦。」)

鈴～～
「喂？」
「你的兒子在我手上...」
「哇ㄊㄧㄚˊ哩勒棒ㄆㄨ一ˇ。」
「哼，你聽聽看：『阿爸...ㄍㄧㄣ來ㄍㄧㄨˇ瓦！』」
「西囝仔，哩勒靠蝦毀？哭什麼？哭爸！」
「『來ㄍㄧㄨˇ瓦喔，他們要把我打死了啦...』」
「哩賣囃，吼挖尬伊共。」
「快把八百萬匯進...」
「你，你的兒子也在我手中...『阿爸～他把我的眼珠挖下來了...我的手也被砍了喔...』」
嘟──

鈴～～
「喂？」
「你的兒子在我手上...『哇！』」
「...細賀！跟你講幾遍不要去招惹地下錢莊！猴囝仔，ㄎㄧ哄伊貢歐係赫！」
「『爸！』」
「蝦米『爸』？挖ㄌㄧㄣ老母啦！」
「ㄛ，『阿母！』」
「蝦米『阿母』？挖ㄌㄧㄣ老唄！」
嘟──

鈴～～
「喂？」
「同學你好，我是ｘｘ補習班。」
「啊那間不是很爛？」無力。
「...」
「你要幹麻啦？」不屑。
「同學你禮拜六有空嗎？」
「有啊，鬥牛士怎麼樣？」挑逗。
「...」
「晚上？燭光晚餐？我買單。」誘人。
「我們星期六下午有一場數學試聽會，如果你有空的話可不可以抽空來一下呢？」
「不可以。」果斷。
「哦，你有事情嗎？」
「沒。」冷淡。
「那為什麼不來呢？」
「不知道。」冷。
「...」，「我們會貼車馬費100元喔。」
「ㄛ，對了，你兒子在我手上...『馬麻！』」
「對不起我沒有兒子。」
「ㄛ，對，沒錯，你女兒在我手上...『阿母！』」
「我沒有小孩。」
「ㄛ，好吧。『傻孫啊～』」淒厲。
嘟──

車站，鐵軌。
「快說！」憤怒。
「我不說！」堅毅。
「哼哼，」冷笑，「看你能撐到什麼時候...」
「...」顫抖著逞強，五花大綁著。
「快看，」轉頭看火車時間表，「你還有五分鐘的空氣可以呼吸。」
鎖眉，堅強，「我不會讓你得逞的！」
「哈哈，我得不得逞於你何妨？只是你自個兒的小命...就要不保啦。」
「要了我的命，我也不會背叛朋友！」
「可惡...你再繼續逞強吧！沒聽過『行行鄙夫志』嗎？」
「不，我『閑靜少言，不慕榮祿...不為五斗米折腰』！」
「...？」
「...」
「你還有一分鐘。」
「...」閉目不答。
「...」
「...」
「半分鐘！」
「...」
「...」
「...」
「馬的，火車誤點。」
「注定，你得不到這筆資料。」
「你放屁！我非要到手不可！」抽槍，上膛。
「啊──」掙扎，扭動被縛在鐵軌上的身子。
「快說！藏在哪裡？」
「啊──」
「給你十秒鐘！」
「啊──」
「十！」
「啊──」
「九！」
「在我的枕頭下面！」
「八！你說什麼？」
「枕頭下面！」
「七...哦，枕頭？」
「對啦...」哀號。
「哈哈哈，太好了！你這白丁！還是給火車撞死吧！」收槍。
「什麼！你...你好狠啊！」面紅耳赤。
「哈哈，也還好啦。哈哈。啊，你看，火車來囉！」看，爬上月台。
「什麼？啊──」
「哈──」
「啊──」
「哈──」
「...」
「...」
「火車呢？」
「我剛明明聽見了。」
「火車呢？」
「剛剛有『ㄅㄨ ㄅㄨ』聲啊。」惑然。
「...」
「...」
(「ㄅㄨ──」)
「啊──」
「耶──」
(「大格哥躺在鐵軌上幹麻？」疑惑。)
(「猴死囝仔，幹麻管別人在蔥蝦毀？」斥。)
(「哇！」嚎啕。)
「？」
「？」
「噢，你看，『勝興車站』...」
(「下一批離開的遊客請迅速前往正門搭乘巴士離開。」擴音器。)
「...」
「...」
「走吧，去正門解決。」
「啊──」

[THE END]

坐在一艘救生艇中，漂泊在茫茫風浪裡。
「我們存了一整年的積蓄，買的那艘小艇，竟然就這樣...」
「完了。」
「唉，」眼見一個救生圈隨著律動的浪緩緩漂去。
「我們竟然落得這下場...」
「在浪潮裡，隨著波動...」
「漂泊。」

昨夜在空白的Word檔前發呆，想寫一篇英文圖書，卻寫出這麼一篇四不像...

Sunshine
Elena left them all, including Tessie.
“She lied. She said she would stay by me. Forever. But now, she has gone. Forever.” Tessie said to herself.
She crawled out of her bed, and moved to her desk. Tessie picked up the envelope from the trash can. She decided she didn’t want to get rid of it.
Tessie took out some notes from the envelope. One of them was the first card Tessie had ever received from a peer. It was a Happy-Birthday card.
〝Tessie, you should cheer up. It’s your birthday! Happy Birthday to you! Elena〞
The handwriting was fuzzed by Tessie’s touches, but she could very well remember every single stroke on the thin, suffused-with-yellow paper.
Tessie didn’t even have a clue about Elena when she got the note. Elena means nothing at all in her life. All she knew was Tessie, Mommy, study, and Tessie. Until that note. The next day, she had found that Elena was a girl who sat right next to her.
Tessie kept silent. Her mind was pushing Elena out of her life—her bland but peaceful life—while her heart was yearning for her care, her note, her kindness, and a friend. At the end, Tessie decided that she was a sensible person. “I was an island. I am an island. I will be an island. The island of me and myself.” She said.
After that, Tessie got one note once in a while.
〝Tessie, Would you want to go to a picnic with my family this Saturday noon in the park? If you can come, tell me at school, ok? Elena〞
Of course, Tessie didn’t. She was too mature to do something like picnicking.
“So, can you come?” Elena asked Tessie in the middle of history class.
Tessie moved uncomfortably, and murmured, “No talking in class.”
She knew Elena would give up, and apparently, she had to. Tessie’s answer implied an absolute “No.” But somehow, Tessie wished she would have come to her and asked her again. But she knew, again, she would have given her another implication of “No.”
It had been like that for a month. Elena just wouldn’t give up the will to become Tessie’s friend, while Tessie was always eluding her, but at the same time, watching her. Tessie found that Elena was someone who had had a good number of friends, enough to stay touched to the world. Unlike Tessie. “I am an island.”
〝Tessie, Although I haven’t known you very well, I do like you. When you feel like talking to someone, you can always come to me. I will stay by you forever. Elena〞
That, became the evidence of Elena’s broken promise.
Tessie felt betrayed, and guilty as well. She wished she had talked to her, the only one on earth who cared about her besides her Mommy, and she wished she had become her friend. But she hadn’t. And she would never have. Elena was gone, and was never, ever going to return.
She had died.
Tessie did not attend her funeral, because no one had ever told her where it was going to take place. Even if someone did, she probably wouldn’t go anyway. It’s too odd and overwhelming for her simple life.
“Never to be returned to us.” Mrs. Wilson said.
Never, is an awful long time. Tessie thought.
For one second, Tessie had hated Elena. Hated her leaving the class; hated not receiving her small note even when she craned her neck out of the window to catch a glimpse of the empty mailbox; hated to see people weeping for her; hated the impulsive water hazing her sight; and above all, hated herself for not talking to Elena.
〝Tessie, Don’t be so shy. You are an excellent person. You can make friends with anyone you want anytime. We all love you. Elena〞
Is it so? Tessie frowned and looked into a mirror at herself.
The next day, the day after Tessie had recalled all her feelings about Elena, she went to school.
“Um, you’re Polly?” Tessie asked a blond girl.
“Well, yeah. You’re Tessie, right?” Polly responded.
Tessie nodded. “I was wondering if you would mind having me in your literature discussion group…”
“Oh, you’d like to join us?”
Tessie got herself together and said, “Yes. Sort of.”
“That’d be wonderful!” Polly grinned.
Tessie knew, as she always knew, she was an island no more. “I was an island. I am, no longer.” There’s something in Elena that made her feel the need of others, of friends, of friendship, of caring, of love.
She figured. Elena left, and gave her the finest gift in herself. Elena was no more, but something in her—something warm—had been left to Tessie. Something that nothing else can replace.
〝Tessie, I wish you can remember me, as a friend. Elena〞